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Fiction

by Ren Stedman

/
1.
I went out again to a bar outside of town and I woke up on the floor with all my stuff turned upside-down by the rubbish bins at tescos where I must have gone to sleep where I seem to end up almost every morning of the week. And a hobo stole my phone whilst I was trying to be nice by letting him just make a call to his imaginary wife and I was far too drunk to chase him like I always am at night and lets face the fact that really I'm a pussy in a fight. So I fucked up again what will Mum say? When she finds out I spend my rent on booze and MDMA she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she, didn't expect anything less from me. And I've not been to work for near enough a week today but my manager's not stupid and she hates me anyway so I'm just waiting for that letter titled P45 with the days I didn't turn up with the hours, weeks and times. So I fucked up again what will Mum say? When she finds out I lost my job for being drunk and off my face she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she, didn't expect anything less from me. And I'm sure I'll learn my lesson soon the hard way from the stupid things I do So I fucked up again what will Mum say? When she finds out I lost my job for being drunk and off my face she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she, didn't expect anything less from me.
2.
Benny & Joon 04:02
I'll be your Benny if you'll be my June We will drive to the beach And we'll fly to the moon You'll write me poems And your words can move me And we'll be so happy Just like in the movie. We'll get a flat by the coast or the country And you'll wake me up Just to tell me you love me And I'll wake up tired But it will be worth it To know that once we've paid the house off We've earn it. And I'm not too good at staying in love Because I get afraid that I won't be enough For somebody like you, that has no imperfections But I'll try my hardest and damn did I mention That I have to sleep with the light in my room Glaring bright in my face or at least shining through My doorway but I know that you shine so bright That with you I feel safe turning off all the lights My dear. I'll be your Benny if you'll be my June They'll all say we won't last but that isn't true If you get sick again I'll be there when you fall And be right by your side all the time through it all We'll stay up late talking about our lives I don't listen to half 'cause I'm lost in your eyes And the way that you get so intense when you think About this time last year you were close to the brink. But I'm not too good at staying in love Because I get afraid that I won't be enough For somebody like you, that has no imperfections But I'll try my hardest and damn did I mention That I have to sleep with the light in my room Glaring bright in my face or at least shining through My doorway but I know that you shine so bright That with you I feel safe turning off all the lights My dear. I sit in silence and turn down the tv And think about how I am now seeing clearly And I think how life was better than I'd guessed And how life doesn't seem quite as good or the same since you left
3.
You said, you've got cigarettes, I'm sorry do you mind? I said if you've got a lighter 'cause the gas ran out from mine And I, introduced myself and you just said okay I said, I think this is the part where you're supposed to say your name But you were so high And I was sober And I think you must have got the impression That I was a few years older Cause I couldn't even get served at the bar And you couldn't even tell that I was watching from afar The way you walked And the way you talked to people you didn't even know And I've been looking for somebody that was not a waste of time Somebody that would be the perfect partner in crime To fight my battles with Someone to grow older with. You drank, half a bottle of the cheapest tasting wine And you, said I'm surprised they even served me I get ID'd all the time Cause you said, I'd rather spend my money on a drink than identification And you were so high You probably don't even remember It was freezing cold outside and in the middle of December In Southend And I said would you maybe wanna hang out again? and you could have said maybe but you passed out in mid sentence and your friend said that’s all you seem to do lately. you left you necklace on the floor kinda like a modern day disney film hatching right in front of me but i’m pretty sure that cinderella hadn’t drank half of the bar and taken all that ecstasy but you’re just my type the kinda girl that has her own list of what is wrong and what is right
4.
Waiting 04:57
When she walks Flowers part as she moves by Clouds roll away from the sky up above And he knew right away it was love love love When she breathes She exhales freshly fallen leaves And his heart starts to sing like the birds in the trees It was love love love And when you're ready to let someone in, well just let me know, Cause the stars in the sky couldn't shine quite as bright as your eyes as they start to glow As I whisper your name well these words feel like home can you hear? But until your mine well love I'm waiting here When she talks rain stops to listen and freeze notes from her tongue catch and ride on the breeze just hear you speak When the night breaks through and there’s nothing but dark the sun comes back up just build on your spark if it starts to believe that it’s weak And when you're ready to let someone in, well just let me know, Cause the stars in the sky couldn't shine quite as bright as your eyes as they start to glow As I whisper your name well these words feel like home can you hear? But until your mine well love I'm waiting here i’ve been pacing my room every night to think up the word’s I could say if i’d try to paint you a picture with words about you but until then I’m waiting to see if it’s true that love at first sight was the worst way to break a heart in two.
5.
Biting Back 04:19
The lights are off and so is she And every night when she'd fall asleep He'd crawl outside and down the street To a bar just out of town The buses stopped an hour ago And trains at night run few and slow But every night he'd always go To buy himself a round To pass the time 'til the club doors Open to the dance floor And he puts his shoes on To party at the next one And with all of his friends gone He's gone and made some new ones And he's in retirement He's ageing but he fights it He doesn't want to think that He's just letting every day pass By living like he used to So he just made his own rules Cause karma’s biting back A lot harder that it used to And I don't wanna make do With standing still and wishing I had tried To make the best of my Life i won't let pass me by I won't let go this time is mine And if I get lost along the way that's fine The bell rings at the bar to say it’s closing time and honestly he didn’t keep track of time again so he jets out of the door the sun is rising in the sky he’s been here the entire night and his wife will surely wonder why he isn’t home in bed. So while he’s thinking of excuses like the ones he always uses he tries to buy a ticket and the ticket man refuses he spent all of his money on the tab he made last night and so he has to run back home before his wife wakes up and notices her husbands really high
6.
can you see in my eyes can you tell from my voice that I’m getting bad again and I’ve spent too much time alone by myself. can you tell from the way that as I leave and say goodbye like i’m leaving forever? with the boxes I labelled and packed on the table and the note that I wrote for good measure. I’ve been thinking too much I’ve been thinking too much I’ve been thinking too much my friend I’ve been thinking too much I’ve been thinking too much I’ve been thinking too much again did you notice the days that I called up to say I can’t come into work cause I’m sick. but I wouldn’t specify cause if I told you my mind was the reason a doctor couldn’t fix. The maximum dose had already been reached and for a while I must have been stable to put on a face like I knew I could make it Or at least like I thought I was able. So what if I said that I couldn’t go on that the problem was me and the doctors were wrong that the one percent of people who couldn’t get past this feeling of knowing that the good things in life never last
7.
He's wearing thin Just like the crumpled shirt and bleach stained trousers he was in. Nobody even cared to ask old Alfie where he'd been For 14 days. He's still the same Significantly older but still stuck in his old ways He's worked here his whole life and even then Nobody knows his name. He clocks in around 9am Repeats the same old shift again His eyes glaze over just to stay awake He's always there on time but with no rise since ’89 When his hairline was intact And his wife was still alive. He hangs his coat on the peg just by the door and there’s a tightness in his throat Alfie says he knows just how to change but won’t because he’ll always be afraid He lays in bed see’s the empty side next to him where his wife would lay her head every night before the lights went out he would listen as she said I’ll never go away The ceiling looks so bare at night his shadow casts against the light that’s shining from the street lamp by the road His says a prayer to Mrs Parks and feels her presence in the dark she whispers promise me you won’t let go you’ve so much to give if only they would know Alfred Parks, a quiet man his silence meant they didn’t understand lived through wars to tell the day but nobody would even look his way ‘cause these new kids in the office came and took half of his work away and now he’s earning half of his old wage the bastards said it’s time to leave but Alfred said ‘I need this please’ it’s the only thing I have left, and I need something to hold onto since she’s gone and i holding tight but barely hanging on.

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The 2017 EP 'Fiction' is the biographical story of the fictional character Alfred Parkes written by Ren Stedman.

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released July 21, 2017

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Ren Stedman Southend On Sea, UK

Ren Stedman, he's the acoustic guy who looks metal, has a buzzing vocal, plays from the marrow of his bones and will rip your heart out with his honesty. A fierce, fable wielding force of acoustic punk poetry.

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